


Fun Times at Home and Abroad

by lohmann



Category: No Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 14:12:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17489504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lohmann/pseuds/lohmann
Summary: This is just a bunch of weird shit that I've overheard over the years and I find it entertaining so I thought I'd share.Feel free to use these as dialogue prompts, but please credit me.





	Fun Times at Home and Abroad

"Oh, and also we have a living, breathing creature to feed."

 

"One of these days I'm gonna wet myself."

 

"It's like, on my deathbed."

 

"It like, shatters and the shards go everywhere, like in your eye."

 

"You have to heal from the INSIDE!"

 

"You have to clean it though, 'cause they remove the guts and the head, so...."

 

"YOGURT!"

 

"They like, freeze grapes, and like, yeah."

 

"I'm not covered in blood, so it's cool."

 

"My house SUCKS."

 

"Where are you taking me?!"

 

"Are we talking about mouth herpes? 'Cuz if we are, I don't have it. Mouth herpes I mean."

 

"Can we start a dog pile with me on the bottom? I'm cold."

 

"Well, with the economical system here, and the drought… "

 

"Well, it's not really meaningful to have a butt."

 

"I just realized that I don't think I turned my phone off. But it's in my ukulele case. I should probably get it out of my ukulele case and check right now. Yeah, I'm gonna do that."

 

"I don't think I've punctured this. The sushi's different, you know."

 

"If you get hit by a car, I'm saying it's your fault."

 

"I had to go to Seattle, an hour away, just to eat, um, hourglass."

 

"They strap you to this gun, so when you shoot, POW."

 

"I LOVE mountain Sam!"

 

"Oh, the BUOY! I know what you're talking about now."

 

"The day, of the anniversary, of the shooting, of the pig."

 

"They were like:'IT'STHEPO-LICE!'"

 

"Where!? A HICKEY!?!? On MAYA!?!? I haven't seen one of those in seventy years!"

 

"She farted in my arms."

 

"Aaah! I've still got- I've got beach fuzz on my- !"

 

"I think I'm gonna die out here."

 

"I loooove me some Guinness."

 

[an old man] "Starbucks, Starbucks, she's going to Starbucks, fam."

 

"AWWWWW, somebody left a monkey!"

 

"monkey monkey."

 

"We're right in the butt crack."

 

"My boAT!"

 

"Yeah, it's just kinda like hanging down."

 

"It's so weird it's like ssssssss"

 

"Bleeding hearts."

 

"Aaah! He's licking between my legs!"

 

"Fuck. We only have one towel, eh?"

 

"Well now you have something to cuddle as we walk through the"

 

"I know someone local, and also my crazy brother who I hate."

 

"Why am I getting an email from WALMART!?"

 

"Hahaha it's in a goats, in a goats stomach!"

 

"It's like I just stomp on your foot"

 

"I agree."

 

"No, she BELLYFLOPPED"

 

"Where's everyone else? Turn around! Turn around! Dad! DAD!"

 

"Like how happy I am,"

 

"I can't help you I'm in jail."

 

"Waterfall? Holy shit that used to be a halibut boat in the Bering Sea"

 

"There's the police boat. Look."

 

"Oh, Desdemona."

 

"Here they come"

 

"But that's an older one, isn't it."

 

"You DON'T feed napkins to the seal."

 

"I think THAT one, on the corner"

 

"Yeah, but don't pick it up it's probably dirty."

 

"Feel free to pick it up. But don't take anything. I'm a mud wrestling champ and a boxing champ. No, seriously, I've won every time."

 

"I'm American. That's tourist."

 

"Ebola"

 

"They got their shirt on fire!"

 

"Were you alive??"

 

"I like nature."

 

"So you know how you bite into food, it feels satisfying? That's what it feels like when you bite into flesh."

 

"Water is my alcohol."

 

"My teeth aren't chattering, my jaw's just shivering!"

 

"I feel like I'm stepping on… golden retriever puppy fur!"

 

"Damn, there's like chicken foam!"

 

"I see cloud residue."

 

"It's Oregon, man, you can't pump your own gas."

 

"you son of a fuck"

Person A: "Well, uh, I learned, not to molest children"

Person B: [laughing] "That's generally a good thing to learn"

 

"What is this, dinosaur Auschwitz!?"

 

"My vagina is off limits"

Person A: "Cut it open and see if the feet could come off"

Person B: [later] "yeah, just the feet"

 

"I'm guessing it started with someone being suicidal and they got high instead."

Person A: "I CHOSE YOU OVER A DRESSER!"

Person B: "I should HOPE so!"

 

"Yeah I guess Starbucks has taken over the world. There's no Pete's on this side."

 

[two guys talking in a group of them]

Person A: "Wait, you want me to grab your dick??"

Person B: "NO"

 

"THAT STUPID GUY, WHO HAS STUPID MOVIES"

 

"The night's still young, there's still lots of wrong we could get into!"

 

"Anything's a shot glass if you're determined."


End file.
